| GOD DAMMIT it's Christmas again. |
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| The aftershave lotion I purchased looks just like semen. Rubbing it into my face is a semi-erotic experience. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I can never think of a suitable subject for Xanga entries anymore. It seems I can only muster the words when I'm depressed or anxious or miserable or angry or whathaveyou. My life has been so uneventful recently, and I've been so content, that I feel I'm losing my edge. Did I keep myself in a perpetual state of dissatifation for years because I feared that I would lose who I was if I were to become happy someday? No, I don't think so. I've always felt that to be truely happy, one has to lie to oneself in at least some significant way, and I've always felt unwilling to do so. But now, here I am, not necessarily euphoric I suppose, but content, free from the petty nuisances that occupied so much of my thought process, beholden to nothing. And it feels a little bit like ego death. Although, I suppose the fact that my mind is still throwing up roadblocks means that I'm still myself in a major way. |
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| Do you ever feel that you've robbed yourself of valuable life experience because you scoffed at the pursuits of your peers as somehow being "beneath" you? That's how I feel about my entire childhood. And now I feel like I'm only half a person because I never experienced certain things. This has become heightened recently, as now that I am back in school after living a life of debauchery for three(!) years, I am reminded of how far behind my age group I am more and more. I usually pride myself on not living life at the pace that is dictated to me by society, but it's damn lonely sometimes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.mlive.com/news/detroit/index.ssf/2009/09/waterford_township_woman_accus.html Michigan is really trying their damndest to compete with Wisconsin for the dubious title of Most Depraved Upper Midwestern State. |
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